I became a Christian when I was 12. My experience was genuine, and I could see the changes in my life, but I still had a lot to figure out about living out my faith.

As a kid, I saw Christianity in a very straightforward way.

But as I got older, things got a lot more complicated. At one point, I started to feel like faith was more of a burden than a blessing. Following Jesus felt tough, and I often felt like I was falling short. I really wanted to be a good Christian, but it just didn’t seem to work out for me. This made my journey feel pretty joyless, and I started to see myself as a failure, disappointing the one who saved me.

I pictured God as this strict figure up in heaven, keeping track of my mistakes. Every time I messed up, I imagined Him up there shaking His head, thinking, “Well, she did it again…”

I felt like I was Jesus’ problem child, always letting Him down.

Lies

Looking back, I realize this view was based on my misunderstandings about God’s true nature. If I had known more about who He really is, I would have recognized this mindset as a lie straight from the enemy. The idea that Christianity was a burden was something I created myself. I remember reading Matthew 11:28-30 and feeling nothing but skepticism.

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

But my experience as a Christian felt anything but light. The weight of it all became too much, and the life I thought I was supposed to lead felt impossible.

I spent years carrying that heavy load. I had no clue how much those lies were shaping my views about God, myself, and others.

Eventually, my false beliefs led me down a dark road. At one point, the weight of my sin made me think that being a Christian was just too hard. My attempts felt pointless, and I decided to walk away.

I can still recall the moment I spoke to God when I chose to go my own way.

Out of bitterness, frustration, and doubt, I told Him that if He wasn’t going to help me, then I didn’t want Him around.

False Beliefs Led to Shame Spiral

My perspective on sin was pretty much garbage in, garbage out. I thought it was a straightforward exchange—if I messed up, I’d own up to it. That part made sense to me. I understood I was meant to confess my sins, and if I did, God would forgive me. I believed that, kind of. Here’s where I got mixed up. After I confessed, I would end up spending days beating myself up over how foolish my actions were, how awful I felt, and how I really should have known better. I kept bringing it back to God, saying, “I’m sorry, Lord, for what I did. Please forgive me.”

Those words just kept spinning in my head, dragging me into a cycle of shame.

Self-hatred took over, and my view of myself and God ended up getting caught in the crossfire.

Self-hatred is dangerous because it’s built on lies—those false narratives we tell ourselves that warp our self-image. It’s crippling. It’s like a poison that starts with negative self-talk, like,

“I can’t believe you’re so dumb. How could you do that? You’re such an idiot.”

As these thoughts keep swirling around, that poison seeps into every part of us until we’re left feeling like a hollow shell filled with shame and guilt that doesn’t come from God.

Guilt and shame push us away from God, and those negative feelings were never part of His plan for us.

What God Intended for His Creation 

In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve sinned by eating the fruit of the forbidden tree, they felt guilt and shame. They had never felt this before. They knew immediately they had done wrong and tried to “cover” their sin by covering their nakedness with fig leaves.  Nice try, but fig leaves weren’t the answer. Fig leaves can’t cover sin and shame. Only Jesus could do that. He is the answer to our sin problem. He died in our place to cover sin.

If we know that, and have accepted Jesus’ actions on the cross, then why do we do the same thing when we sin? We try to find a way to cover it ourselves. Why do we lie to ourselves thinking we have the power to do what only Jesus Himself could do?

How can we stop the sin, forgiveness, shame spiral and enjoy the light load mentioned in Matthew?

Abiding in Christ

The answer is simple: abiding in Christ.

Abiding with Christ is often overlooked and underrated in the Christian faith.

Sure, we’re encouraged to read the Bible, attend church, and serve others, and those are all important. But without a genuine relationship—an abiding connection with Jesus—those activities can feel empty.

What does abiding really mean?

Let me share a personal example: I got married a few years back. We loved spending time together and could chat for hours about anything and everything. I remember one night we talked for six hours straight on the phone. That’s what a real relationship looks like. In a meaningful relationship, you open up about your thoughts, fears, and feelings.

The same goes for our relationship with God.

To truly connect with Him, we need to talk to Him.

John 15:4-5 says, Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Abiding means having a relationship and recognizing God throughout your day, just like you would with a friend.

Share your fears, ask for help, express gratitude, and offer praise. These are the same things we do in our human relationships.

The best part about being in a relationship with Jesus is that, according to John 15:4-5, we’ll bear much fruit if we abide. It all begins with that connection.

Conclusion

Let’s revisit that whole sin and shame situation. Sin and shame create a divide, and that separation from God is exactly what the devil wants. But as followers of Jesus, we can find peace in Him. We can be confident that our relationship is secured by what Jesus accomplished on the cross. It’s simple: we confess, and He’s always there to forgive us because He wants to be close to us.

Then comes the amazing part; we can abide with Jesus anytime and anywhere.

Before long, as we grow closer to Him, we start to bear fruit. Those sins that used to weigh us down will start to fade away, and we won’t feel that burden anymore.

I encourage fellow believers to break free from that cycle of sin, shame, and self-hatred. Stop struggling so hard in your faith. Leave it all at the cross where it belongs. Let what Jesus did be enough for you. We can’t fix our sins on our own; only He can, and He’s already taken care of it.

Stay connected to Him. Approach Him and remember that His burden is light.