I can’t stand my hair. It never seems to cooperate. Maybe I should switch up the color or try a new haircut? How about some bangs? I feel like I suddenly look so much older, and what is up  with this bloating? I feel so fat.

This was just a peek into the thoughts swirling around in my head last week. Honestly, I was really hard on myself. That’s not usually my vibe.

But it used to be.

A lot of my past was spent in a loop of self-hate, self-sabotage, and negative self-talk. It took a lot of time, effort, research, and serious soul-searching to turn things around, but I did it.

I thought I had finally kicked that version of myself to the curb—the insecure Karla who drove me crazy sometimes. But there she was again, popping up when I least expected it. 

Before last week, my confidence was at an all-time high. I felt great because, for the first time in my life, I like who I am. I don’t feel the need for constant validation anymore. I’m not as obsessed with being perfect as I used to be.

I’ve learned to appreciate what makes me unique and am starting to embrace my quirks. The negative self-talk had mostly faded, but last week, insecure Karla made a comeback.

The whole situation was wild. It triggered a mini meltdown and sent me down a rabbit hole on Pinterest, desperately hunting for trendy hair color ideas, curtain bangs, and other ways to spruce up my look.

It really affected me more than just on the surface. I had planned to dedicate that week to my blog, aiming to be super productive and edit a bunch of posts by the end of the week. But, of course, that didn’t happen.

I started “The Things I’ve Learned” blog to share my experiences and uplift other women like me—those who are on a journey to find their identity and navigate the challenges of being a woman. My aim is to motivate those who struggle to meet everyone else’s expectations.

Here I am, trying to encourage other women to embrace their authentic selves and look past the surface, yet I’m so caught up in my appearance that I can’t even concentrate on writing. UGH! Instead of channeling my energy into creating and working on my blog, I wasted way too much time fixating on myself. And I’m not talking about the healthy self-care kind of focus. Nope, I mean the unhealthy obsession—the kind that has me endlessly scrolling through Pinterest, searching for ways to improve my looks, while ignoring what’s really making me feel insecure.

The truth hit me hard. There was nothing wrong with my hair. I just needed a fresh perspective. I decided to take a walk, which usually clears my head. I came back with a new whole new outlook and a few observations about self-confidence.  

A lack of confidence can hold you back

Nothing can derail you faster than suddenly feeling unsure of yourself. When I looked back at times my confidence was at a low point,  I considered how many chances I let slip away. There were things I wanted to try, places I wanted to visit, and jobs I didn’t apply for, even though they were on my wish list. I found that insecurity put the brakes on me more than I realized. I also discovered that insecurity had kept me from doing my best in certain circumstances. There were times, I was too insecure to go all in on something. I held back. I was afraid to do my best because I thought if I gave it my all, people might make fun of me. They might think I was too much or too over the top. That realization was the most unsettling. I wondered what or who I might have become if I saw myself for who I am and stopped allowing the emotion of insecurity sideline me. 

Everyone deals with confidence issues

I determined everyone at one point or another feels unsure of themselves sometimes.

I spent quite some time thinking about it. I believe it can be tracked all the way back to the Garden of Eden, at the moment that sin entered the world. 

In the days when Adam and Eve roamed the Garden of Eden, everything was just right. They had no shame, no worries, and no insecurities. Love flowed freely between them, pure and genuine, without hidden agendas. Everything they needed was right there. It was a dream come true.

But then they ate the forbidden fruit. That’s when sin crashed the party, and everything that was once perfect, including their self-acceptance and confidence, took a nosedive. You can see this shift in Genesis 3:8 when they suddenly felt negative emotions they never experienced before. These emotions caused them to hide from God. They were no longer confident in their relationship with Him. They were no longer bathing in the unending love and acceptance God intended in the Garden of Eden. 

Instead, they felt unworthy, embarrassed, guilty, unloved, and insecure in who they were created to be.

Little did they know, their choices set off a chain reaction that still impacts humanity today. The lack of confidence we experience is just a mix of all those negative feelings that Adam and Eve brought into the world. It’s something we all deal with, and sadly, it’s likely to stick around.

Confidence isn’t a fixed thing

We don’t just wake up one day with unshakeable confidence that lasts forever. Society often pushes this idea that self-confidence is the ultimate goal in learning to love ourselves as if it’s a destination we can reach and never stray from. But that’s not how it works. Confidence rises and falls. Some days we feel like we can conquer the world, while other days we feel we need an emergency makeover to feel better about ourselves. 

On those tougher days, it’s important to take a moment and connect with God. The Bible encourages us to share our worries with Him because He genuinely cares. This includes sharing everything with Him, whether it’s about our hair or our self-esteem. When we pray honestly and tell Him about what matters to us. He listens. He might not give us the perfect hair we dream of, but He will help us see things differently. He knows how our human struggles distract us from our purpose. So, share those feelings with Him and ask for that boost of confidence.

True confidence comes from recognizing that we are created by God and are deeply cherished by Him.

Confidence and self-love are totally within reach, but not through the usual advice we hear. The world might suggest that loving our hair or rocking the latest fashion will make us feel confident, but that’s not the case. True confidence comes from recognizing that we are created by God and are deeply cherished by Him. When we’re feeling a bit off, it’s important to acknowledge those feelings. Just remember, they’re temporary. Focus on the truths about who we really are. Instead of getting lost in negative thoughts, take a moment to connect with God. Reflect on your strengths and keep moving forward to become the person He designed you to be.