When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 

When I was a child…

This morning was a special Sunday at my church. We celebrated our 60 year anniversary.  It’s hard to believe my church has been around that long. I grew up in that church and left around the age of 29 when I moved away.  I only recently returned to my hometown a few years ago. Many of the people who were there when I was a child are still faithful members, while of course others have moved, changed churches, while others have passed away.

As part of the big celebration, former worship leaders and pastors were invited to attend services and some were invited to preach in the weeks leading up to the actual church anniversary date.  Some of them I knew, while others came after I moved away.

There were two special people scheduled to attend the anniversary service and I knew I couldn’t miss their visit. I couldn’t wait to see them. They were such a huge part of my life growing up in that church.  He was the hot shot young music minister; a handsome 26 year old man with a beautiful voice and fun personality. His lovely wife was the sweetest, kindest woman who taught my Sunday school class. I loved them both so deeply. At the time they arrived at our church they were just starting out in the ministry. They both had a passion for service, and brought an energy to the church that was undeniable.  

I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child…

As a girl, I truly thought they hung the moon. I believed they were the most wholesome perfect couple I had ever met. They had a young son and soon after they had a set of beautiful twin daughters. Perfect. 

I looked up to them so much and knew that if I followed Jesus, I too would have a perfect charmed life like them. As a young Christian, it seemed so simple. Follow Jesus, don’t sin, read your Bible and everything will work out. Follow those steps and beautiful children and a loving marriage will soon follow. 

When I became a man (woman)…

Little did I know, the world doesn’t work that way. The world is a difficult place to maneuver. It can break your heart. You can screw up and find yourself so mired in sin and sadness that it seems there is no way out. Evil can overtake you and you have to fight,  scratch, and claw your way back to yourself. No matter how hard you try, you will hurt others. No matter how much you want to avoid it, people will hurt you. Sometimes profoundly. Sometimes so profoundly that it forever changes who you are and how you view the world.

As I sat in the service this morning,  I realized how naive I had been. I put them on a pedestal that no one can live up to. That naive girl thought in terms of black, white, good, bad. 

I put the ways of childhood behind me…

Only now, I see the world through the eyes of a grown woman who has lived a life. A woman who desperately tried to do the “right” things but realized perfection is impossible. The woman who never wanted to hurt anyone but managed to cause pain and suffering for those she claimed to love. The woman who closed her heart to protect it , but somehow ended up in more pain than she could ever have dreamed of. A life filled with failures, disappointments, regrets, and mistakes.  

But, thankfully, God knew we would never be perfect…Thankfully, God can take even the darkest past and turn it into the most beautiful present. Thankfully, he can take the thoughts of a naive girl and turn them into pearls of wisdom.   Thankfully God gives us grace, more abundantly than we will ever know this side of heaven. 

This morning’s service reminded me, Our heroes aren’t perfect. Life isn’t black and white. Parents make mistakes, children break their hearts. Husbands and wives hurt each other.  Life is hard, and difficult, and sometimes ugly, but God can take all of that ugly and turn it into beauty. 

As a grown woman sitting in church, I saw that perfect couple for who they are. Flawed, beautiful, souls who were part of my past at one of the most important times in my life. I saw them as “real people” and that was more beautiful to me than the imaginary version I had created in my mind.