Fiction

The snow was coming down in heavy sheets almost heavy enough to hear hitting the sidewalks. Northern Virginia got snow on occasion but this wasn’t typical. The I-95 corridor had shut down from DC, south to Spotsylvania. It was a huge storm. Schools were out and VDOT was encouraging people to stay off the roads. 

When Sadie woke up to the snow, she could barely contain herself. The snow started the night before. It wasn’t predicted to bring much accumulation. However, the forecast had obviously changed. This was much to Sadie’s delight. Sadie grew up in Mississippi and rarely saw snow. Gotta have pancakes when it snows. Sadie thought as she took the bag of flour from the massive pantry. The kitchen was her favorite room in the house. It had everything Sadie needed to make it feel like home. There was space for all her mother’s China. The kitchen had miles of counter space. There was a lovely breakfast nook with French doors that led outside. 

She and Dave moved into the spacious colonial six months ago. It has a wood-burning fireplace and a wrap-around porch. There was a huge fenced backyard, a full basement with another bedroom, and a sauna in the downstairs bathroom. The house was truly a dream come true for Sadie. She loved the symmetry of a colonial-style home, it was balanced.  It felt homey but with plenty of space and storage. She and Dave bought the home planning to fill it. The house was perfect; perfect for entertaining and perfect for children; at least that was the plan.

“Hey D” she called up the stairs. “Do you want pancakes?”

She heard footsteps coming down the stairs, “Yeah! Is there coffee?”

“You know there is always coffee.” Smiling, she took his coffee cup down from the cabinet. She remembered when she bought it for him as a kind of joke. The cup was black with white lettering that said, STARTER FLUID.

Dave went to the fridge and took out the cream. Truth be told, Dave was perfectly content with the powdered stuff but Sadie wouldn’t have it. She only bought organic. The real cream tasted much better if Dave had to admit. But he would never tell her that. Instead, he teased her for her penchant for the finer things.  He poured the coffee and added the cream. No sugar.

She stood near the electric griddle waiting for it to heat. The big bowl of homemade pancake batter sat on the gleaming white counters.

“What do you wanna do today?” she said, hopeful.

“What do you mean…it’s snowing? What could two married people possibly do on a snowy day?” Dave smiled a seductive smile and winked.

Sadie rolled her eyes. “Is that all you think about? Such a dirty old man.”

“And I will be a dirty old man until I am a dead old man.”

“Whatever.” Another eye roll, “Can you get the syrup and the butter? I thought we might go for a walk later. Do you want to?”

“Yeah…later.”

She finished cooking the pancakes. They each fixed their plates and sat down at the breakfast bar. They ate their food in uncomfortable silence, Dave looking at his phone and Sadie staring out the back window. 

There had been quite a bit of silence in the house over the last few months. Ever since the adoption fell through, Sadie hadn’t been herself. She felt disconnected; alone. She wasn’t sure how Dave felt about it. They hadn’t talked much since the night they got the call from the social worker. It was supposed to be the call telling them the birth mother was in labor. It was supposed to be the call to schedule the pick-up from the hospital. Sadie had played that conversation over and over in her mind.

“Hey Sadie…I wanted to give you a call and provide you with an update.” Leslie the social worker said.

“Is she in labor? We have our bags and the car seat ready!”

“Wait a minute, Sadie. Yes, she went into labor 3 days ago. 

“Three days ago…why didn’t you tell…”

“She changed her mind, Sadie. She is keeping the baby. I am so sorry, Look, we can try again. We still have your adoption portfolio…we can find another one…”

Sadie didn’t hear the rest, she handed the phone to Dave. This was the second birth mother that backed out. Sadie poured a glass of wine, thought better of it and took the bottle to the back deck. She didn’t even cry in front of Dave. She sat alone in the dark and drank.

Sadie didn’t speak to the social worker again after that. She let Dave take care of all of the paperwork. 

Sadie cleaned up the kitchen and went upstairs to make the bed. She peered out the bedroom window down to the street. The ground was completely covered and undisturbed. Not a footprint or tire track marred the beauty. Virgin snow. She didn’t know what that phrase meant until moving to Virginia 10 years ago but she liked it. It perfectly conveyed the beauty of something untouched, undisturbed. She knew it wouldn’t last long. Soon all the restless neighbors would converge to shovel driveways. Kids in toboggans and mittens would make snowmen and slide down hills on makeshift sleds. The beautiful white snow would be replaced with brown slush.

After she showered she lingered a bit in the bedroom. While her hair was drying, she clicked on the TV to check the weather forecast. The snowstorm was predicted to let up around 2:30. She put away clothes draped across the chair in the corner. Then she walked down the hall to throw in some laundry.  

She tried not to look but couldn’t help but see the pink hue emanating into the hallway. The sun was coming in from the bedroom windows and created a glow. 

She stopped in the doorway and peered in. The room was untouched. The crib and rocking chair were exactly where Sadie and Dave had placed them. The tiny clothes were folded and neatly arranged on the changing table by the window. Sadie remembered the day they put the crib together. The directions made no sense. “Do you want some help?,” Sadie offered. 

“No…I can do it.” 

“Are you sure?”

“I think I can figure out how to put a crib together by myself.”

“Okay…but did you forget these?” It was a whole bag of unopened nuts and bolts. 

“That‘s where I put them, I have been looking everywhere,” Dave said, laughing. 

Sadie and Dave went to work and before long, the crib was finished. They did it; together. Sadie high-fived Dave and they hugged.  That day seemed like a lifetime ago. 

She looked at her watch. It was already 2. She headed back down the hallway to her bedroom. She opened the closet doors and dug out the snow pants she bought for a ski trip that never materialized. The black pants were a little long but they fit pretty well. She grabbed a T-shirt and sweater. She pulled out her snow boots and bounded down the stairs.

“D! Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?” he called up from the basement. 

“Our walk in the snow!”

She walked down the stairs to the basement. He was sweating in shorts and a T-shirt. He had been on the treadmill.
“Really?  Come on…you know I want to get out there before the whole neighborhood gets out there!”

“Alright, alright. Lemme jump in the shower real quick,” he said, grabbing his towel.

“Okay, but Hurry.”

Ten minutes later he was finished and standing in the kitchen ready to go, almost. “Where is my big coat?” he said, rummaging through the coat closet in the hallway. 

“I think it is in the basement closet,” she said while walking down the stairs to get it. She popped back up, jacket in hand. “Here,” she handed it to him. “Let’s go.”

She opened the front door leading to the wrap-around porch. A gust of air took her breath from the contrast of the inside temperature. She stood for a minute, taking it all in. It is absolutely beautiful. The snow slowed slightly but was still coming down hard enough to keep others inside. They headed down the steps to the sidewalk that led to the road. Once on the road, the silence between them was replaced by breathing as they walked. They approached the first hill. They did this walk several times a week as part of their workout routine. The snow made it more challenging. Sadie led the way. She heard his footsteps behind her. His breathing got louder as she forged full steam ahead.

She turned onto the main drag that ran through their neighborhood. The streets were tree-lined and peaceful. No cars, no people. Sadie walked faster. She felt sweat building underneath her layers and wished she hadn’t worn so many. She continued to move past houses and side streets walking faster and faster. Her heart was pumping and her breath quickened. She kept moving, pumping her arms as her boots dug deeper into the snow. The surface of the sidewalk was slick. She felt her feet slip a little but didn’t let it slow her down. Instead, she stepped off the sidewalk onto the grass now covered in 5 inches of snow, and kept the pace. After about twenty minutes of walking, they reached the entrance to the park, about 3 miles from their starting point. Standing near the snow drift, she turned around to see Dave about 20 yards away approaching. She didn’t realize he was so far behind. 

“Jeez, slow down! I already had my workout for the day…what is the rush?’

Out of nowhere, a tear rolled down her red, snow-chapped face. 

“Oh God, what is wrong?” Dave said, walking toward her and gently grabbing her shoulders.

Sadie’s shoulders slumped and began to shake as the tears came down, “I can’t anymore..”

“I know..”

“And I don’t want to try it again…”
“I know and we don’t have to.”

“I just don’t have the strength to go through that process again…I just can’t.”

“Then we won’t. I love you.”

Sighing, she said, “I love you too.” She looked up at his face. In that moment, all the isolation and detachment melted away, just like the snow. All those silent months of sadness and loneliness left. 

Without warning, Sadie felt her body release as she fell backward into the snow drift. A slow playful smile crept across her face. She moved her arms and legs at the same time and screamed, “Snow angel!”

With that, Dave joined her on the ground. The silence was broken. After a few minutes, Dave got up and offered a hand to help Sadie up. 

They continued on their walk hand in hand toward the four-way stop leading to the highway. They passed the country club and walked into the parking lot of a mini shopping center. It housed a dry cleaner, a mailbox store, and a neighborhood wine bar. Oddly the lights were on.

Dave looked at Sadie. She smiled and muttered a quick, yes, as she opened the door. 

“Are y’all open?” she said in her best southern drawl. 

“Yeah, come on in. Didn’t really expect any customers but figured, why not? I can make anything. Sit wherever you like.” 

Sadie and Dave made their way to the high-top table in the corner by the window. They took off their coats and hung them on the back of their chairs. 

“Do you mind if I turn on some music?” the waiter yelled from the kitchen.

“Sounds good,” Sadie replied. 

That’s Amore started just as another couple walked in. “They are open?” they said with surprise.

“Yeah, can you believe it?” Dave said. 

“I know, right? We just had to get out of the house. I know this is an Italian place, but do you think they have pancakes?”

Sadie smiled, “I am sure they would if you ask. There is just something about pancakes on a snowy day.”

Sadie glanced out the glass window to see people stirring. On the street, four-wheel drives crept past, crunching the powdery snow into ice, leaving ugly tire tracks. On the sidewalk, neighborhood kids chased each other with snowballs. 

Dave touched her hand bringing her back to the table.“Are you okay?” 

She turned to him, him distorted by her bleary eyes. No point in lying.

“No.”

“Will you be okay?”

She forced a smile and took his hand. “Yes. And you?”

“We have each other.”